HOI

i shall do some self reflection today.
i often ask myself how i am feeling at a particular moment - n the answer usually differs at different times.
but after doing this list, i feel that i am like SUCH a predictable person ~

the list of really random thoughts i have at different times

• when i am online - i tell myself shldn't i be studying - but i continue anyway. sometimes i feel that i deserve a break (or tt i shld go on strike n stop studying)

clarification: really, mugging isn't really that horrible for me. yes, i hate doing repetitive stuff. but i guess theres always new things to learn everytime u pick up the notes. (HONESTLY this is what i feel)

• when i am with friends - sometimes i feel out of place lar. i seriously think i should talk more but sometimes it just feels weird leh. actually i think i am probably friendlier than i was last year. yes i agree i could be friendlier!
  

• random moments, like before i fall asleep or when im alone on a bus. i think a lot abt how ppl view me. all the time. i am surprisingly self conscious i guess.
  
• OF COURSE I also think about a levels, the future. universities. what i should do. a lot of things seem quite uncertain at this juncture. which explains why i feel a bit lost and confused. *sigh
  

• when i am studying - i 'try' to concentrate - so its probably the time when i dun exactly consciously "feel" anything.. inside i possibly feel a little bored. i think this depends on what i am studying.
  

i think physics is still my favourite subject. followed by chemistry. but justbecause i like these subjects or am good at these subjects doesnt mean that i MUST do something related to them. i think in the past my mind was clouded. (i was just naive lar!) i felt that coz im better at science means that i had to do something related to science. but lots of people do jobs that they didnt set out to do in the first place! my parents for example chose their jobs as engineers arbitrarily. the stuff u do in school just gives u the exposure; they don't determine your exact path in life.

i'm just saying that i need to be open. i am definitely considering science - related jobs and courses, simply because i've got some interest and experience. but that shouldnt limit my prospects. maybe i could try like music.. or computer science.. mathematics.. even game design.. stuff that i am curious about but hadn't had a chance to go seriously into. hmph. tough luck - coz i know i wont get to try all the options.

(and what about food science? culinary stuff? or maybe i should just work in NEOPETS)

im just analysing my own behaviour. BUT if anyone reads this and wants to comment - just tell me lor.

i think - life could be better. of course, things could be much much worse than the way things are right now. *shld be thankful*

-- this ends the long n garrulous post --


this blog layout must be reaally bad. which explains why i have so little visitors.
garh.